idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
