are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I intend to get homeless drunk
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
