how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
