guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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