I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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