Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
