How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i think my tv is drunk
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
