There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
