All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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