so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
