I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
