Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
