If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You did what with his pubic hair?
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