I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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