You don't have asthma, your pregnant
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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