I just threw up on my dentist
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
