i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
