so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
