You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
