A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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