Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
