i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
