I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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