and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
