Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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