FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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