Your dad touched me again.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
