Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
