I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
