the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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