I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
