My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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