dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
