I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
