On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
