if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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