Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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