Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
