I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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