You're completely useless in the revolution.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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