Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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