Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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