best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
