come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
