I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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