I wish I could teleport
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
