i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
