Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
