the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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