I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
