Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
