alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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